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leighleighla, silentrequiem, sperose, and grandlarseny come to mind) but there's totally a community of people from say ... 2k4? what other year would I EVS talk about (apparently I can cue [queue?] up my el-jay voice at will!) who I don't know if they even bother with this anymore.Okay so anyways.
Okay so. It's like, a billion degrees (aka almost 80) and it's a weekend in April (aka I think it actually is world carnival weekend) and I'm listening to music (aka third eye blind) and cleaning (I have no parenthetical for this) but it's kind of totally like that one time. And I couldn't decide how to talk about it, do I send an email? Make a status message? Make a wall post? Send a facebook message? A text message? A phone call is certainly way too much.
Went with an el-jay post.
Looking for support for the memories, realized those were deadjournal days. Deadjournal!
I am fondly nostalgic about it. But re-reading reminds me -- It's awkward. Isn't it? Totally. We don't talk about it. ZOMG what if this is like that other stuff? Totally not.
Totally reading the old posts now and man, wish I'd never brought it up. Still going to click submit though! Caitlin did a lot of commenting, and it's weird, we don't talk and I think we haven't seen each other in real life in like, 5 years, but I like her a lot. YEAH THAT MEANS YOU.
How did you guys read all that emo bullshit! I would totally not put up with that on my flist.
Now this post is not the post I meant to make.
In other news, Bendel came home with a new phone. A red one. Red electronics?! What will they think of next? Also, hot date tonight with a boy from high school plus my boyfriend .... OH MY GOD IS THIS 2K4???
Is it a triangle?
It's just like dotted lines, things that are there but not really.
Like asymptotes
Like hydrogen bonds
Go math and science!
- Mood:
nostalgic
Best evs.
- Mood: tired
YOU DON'T NEED GOD TO DUMP SOMEONE
My apologies for the caps-locking linkage. I'd have flashed it and marquee'd it, but that would have been way too damaging.
( Read more... )
- Mood: much better now
Like I told Bendel, here's a photoshopping stitched together panorama of what I'm walking by every day:
Because I sincerely believe that LiveJournals are for the vague passive-aggressive swipe, for the vague "is this about you?" aside, for the foolish and naive belief that if you write things on the internet that somehow it is still secret and you'll never get an email from a faux Hotmail account with a link to an LJ you shouldn't read or that those who hurt you and are hurt by you will never get an IM from a faux AIM account with a claim that you're disavowing your friendship...
Because I personally am composing my narrative every single day and that narrative has a soundtrack and part of that soundtrack is a transition from Ace Troubleshooter to "(Splash) Turn Twist" with a detour by "Out of the Vein" courtesy of "Blinded" and "Crystal Baller", but in the midst of all the angsty drama sing-alongs there's an undercurrent that this is more than petty girls or smitten boys...
Well, because this is a LiveJournal and I don't have much to cry about right now, I figured I'd do the other totally stereotypical Xanga-esque LiveJournally thing and post for you the lyrics to a song that I am currently loving, that I can't get out of my head, that means a lot even though maybe it doesn't get it right, that you're going to have to scroll past every time you incessantly reload your friends list (or the friends list you are reading to have the pleasure of reading my double-dashed parenthetical lists of asides without having to admit that you want to aggregate it with people you'd dub "friends"). I could give you the courtesy of an LJ-cut, but where is the fun in that? Also there is no fun in copying and pasting from the liner notes because as much as I love liner notes (it's somewhere in the realm of cheeseburgers, cold weather kisses, lazy Sundays, brownie sundaes, and Chris Bendel) THEY DON'T MATCH EXACTLY WHAT IS SUNG ON THE ALBUM. So here's how I hear it. (Also the apostrophes get messed up in the simple copy-paste, and the line breaks are all wrong.) (Oh, and, I know it's way more stereotypical to just copy and paste from some website that has all the "you're"s as "your"s and the "you"s as "u"s but screw that.)
"Carry You" ~Jimmy Eat World
When I know I'm all alone, I say your name slowly
And I know that I'm alone
But I carry you
Does it feel good like the memory?
When you try some history?
It's a dream to come around
The rule doesn't bend, because the taste doesn't taste the same again
It's easy feeling righteous when removed
All you'll get is what you want to hear
It hurts because it should,
How else am I to make it clear?
I could never be the one that you want
Don't ask
Well, here's to living in the moment
'Cause it passed
Maybe a lie is what I need sometimes
You told the most, and best of anyone
You said to keep me in your pocket
So I carried you
You'd better choose your words carefully
because I'm not your anything
Going to stay here in my place
and you'll stay in yours
because you're only good as what you're good for
I pace around the room to spend the time
waiting while the burning pictures fade
One thing to make your mind
and another to say its name
I could never be the one that you want
Don't ask
Here's to living in the moment
'Cause it passed
It passed
I'm still carrying a little hope that maybe, things could be different now
Is that so wrong?
Is that so wrong?
Is that so... wrong?
Would I see you tonight at a place we'd go?
(Could going through the motions lead to real emotion?)
I want to make things right before time runs out
(It was like you said, the taste don't taste like it should)
Roll down the windows, let the cold air come in, yeah
Slap my face just to feel, to feel you somehow again, again
I could never be the one that you want
Don't ask
Well here's to living in the moment,
'Cause it passed
I could never be the one that you want
Don't ask
Yeah, here's to living in the moment,
'Cause it passed
It passed...
Your cue to leave a comment commiserating, urging me not to destroy my enemies, with just some love, with your current favorite song, how much you love this song, how much you hate Jimmy Eat World, how much you want me to do this same post with "Here It Goes" which is also in my head all the time but just because it is so fucking catchy and less for the identification with the lyrics. Bright lights might say your name, they only light the stage, nothing there to prove. waiting for attention? I'm not. cut it to the left and I rock. need an invitation? I don't. slide it to the right and I roll. Also top-secret comments in which you declare your love for me without logging in are accepted. Hell, I'd even accept the top-secret comments in which you declare your distaste for me without logging in and owning up to it.
- Mood: rockout.
- Mood: zomg?
blessing the boats
(at St. Mary's)
may the tide
that is entering even now
the lip of our understanding
carry you out
beyond the face of fear
may you kiss
the wind then turn from it
certain that it will
love your back may you
open your eyes to the water
water waving forever
and may you in your innocence
sail through this to that
Lucille Clifton
- Mood: busy
The Way It Is ~William Stafford
There's a thread you follow. It goes among
Things that change. But it doesn't change.
People wonder about what you are pursuing.
You have to explain about the thread.
But it is hard for others to see.
While you hold it you can't get lost.
Tragedies happen; people get hurt
or die; and you suffer and get old.
Nothing you do can stop time's unfolding.
You don't ever let go of the thread.
- Mood: tired
Even without the "...in bed", I happen to like this fortune.
- Mood: full
weirdtab through others' flists, such as the people at St. Mary's, Calvert Memorial Hospital, and at Kutztown):Nancy Mairs makes a post for me
"This event taught me, as disagreeable events often will, a number of lessons that I'm glad enough to know but wish I'd been permitted to learn in some other way."
On uttering the unspeakable
We have heard, in a decade of feminism and another of "postfeminism," from many women writers about their lives. Not enough, however. So I think women must go on simply and without apology saying aloud what it is like to be who they are. I've found this difficult myself, both personally and professionally. I've sometimes hurt people I care for, and as a professional I've endured being called a bore (and worse). Mentors and editors have wondered aloud when I'll get around to some "real work,", by which they seem to mean something less personal and certainly less "limited" by feminist perspective.
Assertion of Tabitha
I realized today that Tabitha was muted, especially those last few months when I had to adjust to John being here. And I've realized some people probably find me annoying -- I know I'd be really sick of me if I was my friend. But other people get a kick out of me, and I love BEING TABITHA and so I am Tabitha. And I realized today that I've been afraid or reluctant or scared or unwilling to just BE ME around John since breakup. For a long time it's because I had become this muted-Tabitha and I couldn't pick up the bounce. For a while it was because of the world's shittiness last year. For a while it's because I figured I should fit what I thought he wanted -- what he could be in love with. For a while it's because I wasn't sure if I had a safety net there to back me up when it went awry.
To my lovelies who left love: thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
[Confidential to Sassbot: <3]
- Mood: better.